I dreamed, hoped, and believed for my daughter for a long time. Recently I flipped through an old journal and found a page dated September of 2009. On it, I had written out a couple dozen dreams and goals that I was believing for my life. These were things that had not yet taken place, but were big desires of my heart. In the Bible, God tells us to write our dreams down and to speak them out loud and wait on Him to bring them to pass. I love how The Message translation puts Habakkuk 2:2-3, where God says:
“Write this. Write what you see. Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run. This vision is a witness pointing to what’s coming. It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn’t lie. If it seems slow in coming, wait. It’s on its way. It will come right on time.”
So each morning before work, while I was single, I would thank God for a family of my own: a husband, a son first, and then a daughter. I was specific! Well God is good and faithful, and in 2010 I married my wonderful husband, Jameson, and in 2011 our son Tristan was born. It all came together so natural and effortlessly. When Tristan was nine months old, we found out that we were expecting another baby. It was a bit of a surprise, but never-the-less we were very happy. I remember receiving a card from my husband with a beautiful note written inside expressing his excitement. What’s funny was a few weeks before this, my aunt had given me a Hello Kitty toothbrush set. She said she was at the store one day and the Lord put it on her heart to buy it for me – to give to my future daughter. So I remember immediately thinking, “Oh THAT’S why!” Our home was abuzz with the anticipation of a new baby, but that excitement would be cruelly interrupted with the news that I had a miscarriage. I was devastated, confused, and so, so sad. And then as I have done countless times in my life, I turned to Jesus to heal my broken heart, and I began thanking Him for the child I would one day have… a daughter. And every time I opened the linen cloest, that Hello Kitty toothbrush set was there – on the shelf with cottonballs and body wash – just waiting to be used. It served as a reminder to not cease in thanking God for the baby girl He would give me.
In June of 2012, we found out we were expecting again. It wasn’t such a surprise this time as we were trying for another child. Jameson gave me a beautiful card with a pair of baby booties. It was such a happy time and my heart was full. But just a few weeks later, I would experience another heart breaking loss. Another miscarriage. I began reading blogs written by women who had gone through the same thing and I found comfort in that I was not alone. I now understood what countless women who’ve lost babies have gone through, and found a new place where I could relate to the pain of others. Through it all, and often through tears, I thanked God for being there for me like no other, for holding my lost babies in Heaven, and for giving me the desire of my heart; a little girl. Each time I opened the linen closet and saw the toothbrush, I knew that it was meant to serve as a reminder of a promise… I was not going to let that dream die and kept it before God in prayer, and continued to thank Him for my daughter. When fear tried to take hold, I clung to Jesus.
Two months later, I found out I was pregnant again. Those early weeks were tense as I was careful to watch for any sign something was wrong. The first time I saw my daughter’s tiny profile on the ultrasound screen, the instant I saw her, I knew she was a girl. A later ultrasound only confirmed what I already knew in my heart.
Sadie Scarlett was born on May 2, 2013. The name Sadie means princess, and Scarlett is the color of red, which symbolizes passion. I pray that she will always be my passionate princess, who will trust in God to bring forth all of the dreams and desires in her life, just as He brought the dream of her into mine.
Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. Psalm 37:4-5